"i like corn. i eat corn."

when i was a little kid we were at my grandparent's house eating thanksgiving dinner or something with all our relatives. people were passing food around the table and i sat watching all this in my high chair concerned about my own lack of food. (this was a real concern in those days because i was all about eating. it's a wonder that i wasn't a super pudgy kid. i ate everything!) finally, i proclaimed to my family as a bowl of corn when by that "i like corn, i eat corn." my subtle way of making it known that i was ready to eat and that corn better be on the menu.

it's funny how in some ways i still communicate with my family in that subtle way. not really saying directly "hey..this is what i want" but beating around the bush instead. i wonder if this is a family dynamic that exists for a lot of people in their families. for example, i really want my dad to stop smoking and i HATE that he still does it. it makes no sense to me, especially considering that a year ago we were learning about my mom's cancer diagnosis. but somehow i don't just come out and tell him how i feel about it. i do my passive-aggressive things, like leaving the room when he's in there smoking, instead of just telling him how i feel about it. i really think i need to figure this out, because it ends up creating some strain while i'm at home when it should just be fun. i always think when i go home that this time it will be different and there are always elements of sameness going on.

DON'T GET ME WRONG...i had a great time at home and i love spending time with my parents and my family and my friends. it was wonderful to see luke again and play with him. he's hilarious and so smart! we had a lot of laughs and great food and fun times. definitely more positive, fun times than negative ones. i'm grateful that i got to spend time with everyone and really happy that some of my college buddies were able to share in the fun too. that meant so much to me. so i don't want to seem like a crabby ingrate. i love the fam. i just don't know the best way to approach them with the things that bug me, especially the smoking thing, without making too many waves.

so yeah, iowa was great. the weather was fantastic! it was in the 70s/80s pretty much the entire weekend. luke did really well meeting a ton of relatives, especially considering that he was a little under the weather. i got to see some cousins that i haven't talked to in a while, which was great. spent a lot of time with monica and dennis and jeremy which was much needed for all of us i think. definitely a good time and i needed some home time. i'm hoping to get back up there in october (i LOVE fall in iowa) to see the family again and maybe catch part of homecoming. woo!

in the meantime, i think classes start in two and a half weeks. i'll be taking two courses and teaching two courses at the community college (i think). nervous and excited all at once.