running to stand still

the title of this post is both the title from one of my all-time favorite U2 songs (it's on joshua tree) and how i've been feeling about some things lately. i've been telling you about some of the progress i'm making toward getting my degree done, which is still great and getting me closer to a few important goals of mine. but then there are other ones, that i'm working on but are still out of reach.

for example, i've been working out more and i feel like i see some more muscle tone that i didn't have before (which could just be a figment of my imagination) but i haven't really lost any weight. in fact, i gained weight this week which is quite frustrating. the good news is that i bought a cute skirt from old navy and it fit really well. i didn't have to break a sweat and worry about being able to remove it without destroying it or calling in an employee to help me. (had a goofy experience with a shirt at the gap. it was one of those moments where i realized that i did have boobs and they weren't going to fit into this particular shirt and if i tried to make the shirt fit, they would have to "jaws of life" it off me). so, i know i'm making some progress and the doing something is definitely better than doing nothing. i'm just not seeing results yet.

my other running to stand still has to do with getting over some hurts from the past. i wrote not to long ago that a couple of years ago i was facing a lot of transitions and new horizons and though that stuff all turned out really well, it was still a difficult situation at the time. and though i wouldn't change it, there's a part of me that is hanging onto all the uncertainty and doubt and confusion that i felt then. overall i think i've made a lot of progress in getting past a bunch of stuff. but at the same time, i get scared that maybe things aren't really what they seem. that i can't totally trust my judgement all the time. i find myself being a little more detached or completely involved in friendships and in the moment itself. maybe a fear of getting too comfortable only for it all to change again, like it did two years ago.

damn this is a depressing post. guess i'm in a mood. :P i did find a good quote though that i need to keep in mind. "The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it." -Arnold H Glasgow i don't know who this glasgow guy is but he makes a good point. i need to be more patient with myself...not all goals are easy to check off. sure it's a pain in the ass to fill out a degree plan...but that's a relatively easy task to finish. doesn't require too much patience unless my committee members all simulataenously leave the country. those types of things are easy to crank out. these other goals though...i gotta stop trying to smash the egg and be more patient. how freakin' many times do i have to remind myself of that? :)

so the moral is...no smashing chickens. and go to bed 3 hours sooner even if you miss who's the boss. :)