this year is flying by already

it seems that teaching a january term course makes the start of the year go by rapidly.  i once again taught my Race, Poverty, and Hurricane Katrina class, which involves taking students to NOLA for a week or so.  it was an amazing experience.  i actually started a separate blog about it and have a few posts.  if you're interested i can send you the link.  the students were incredible and the experience there renewed my desire to keep teaching the course.  i was discouraged about it last year and didn't really want to do the trip or the class again.  i'm glad that i stuck with it, because i learned so much about how important our work and presence continues to be in NOLA. and the students learned so much.  i'm trying to figure out a way to keep doing the course or some variation of it next year.

we're in week two of the spring semester.  generally i don't really like the spring semester too much.  even as a student, it was hard to get motivated and to stay focused.  this semester though looks to be one of the lightest ones i've had in terms of teaching since i started.  i'm teaching three classes, all of which i have taught previously. i decided not to change too much, which was a good plan. and two of the classes have less than 10 students enrolled.  i have to be honest...i needed a semester like this one.  in december and january, i had to put together my portfolio for 3rd year review.  it helped me realize how much i've accomplished in a short time.  i've taught 9 different courses in the last 2.5 years.  six of those are classes that i've never taught before, so i feel like i really hit the ground running here.  it's been stressful, but also really great to get so much experience!  i'm feeling really good about the meeting that i'll have with rank and tenure in a few weeks.  my division chair gave me a lot of positive feedback when we met last week for a coffee.  in fact, she said that she's noticed that i'm different this year.  she said that she's noticed that i even walk differently and stand differently.  this was surprising, because it was the first time i've heard that comment.  but i think she's right.  i feel different.

i think part of the difference has to do with finally feeling more settled and comfortable in my career.  though i wish we made more money (who doesn't, right?), i'm very happy to be where i'm at.  and this year, with my colleague/friend/mentor on sabbatical, i think i've had the opportunity to spread my wings a bit.  it's hard to articulate, but i'm starting to really accept the fact that i'm dr. p, assistant prof of sociology.  there were times in graduate school when i felt like an imposter...that at any moment my professors and colleagues would realize i wasn't actually smart enough to be studying for my ph.d. and they would boot me out.  i think that same insecurity followed me in the first few years of my teaching career as well.  i'm glad that i'm moving past it though and feeling more confident.

that confidence is bouncing back in other areas of my life too.  i think last year, when i was trying to go on dates and stuff, part of the problem i was facing was doubts about myself.  i didn't feel like i looked good and it was taking longer than i expected for me to really trust in myself again.  my ego took a big blow and it definitely took some time to get over that.  i think some of that renewed kate that my division chair observed has to do with feeling better about myself...both professionally and personally.  i'm still trying to improve some things...like losing some more weight and working on finances, but overall i'm really happy with my life.  when todd and i first started dating, it was really difficult for me to believe that it was even happening.  my mind would tell my heart..."yes, you met a handsome, smart, hilarious man who really likes you," but my heart was just not sure what to make of that information.  i had hoped for a while that i would get set up with someone fantastic and there were times, especially last year, where i wasn't sure that it would ever really happen.  it is so great to be wrong about that now.  :)  it has happened and it's so wonderful.  i won't gush too much more, but suffice it to say that i'm a very happy kate.

anyway, that's a very rambling update but i've been meaning to write for a while.  so far 2010 is even better than 2009 was.  sure..it's only february, but i'm confident that things are going to keep getting better and better.  :)