remembering

i find myself reflecting on christmas traditions from my childhood tonight. it might be because i watched A Christmas Story two-and-a-half times tonight. but more likely it is because i always think of those times on christmas and now it seems especially significant to do so. today (or more accurately yesterday) was a sad day, because my grandma parks passed away. she has been ill for a very long time and recently in and out of the hospital frequently. she lived a long life (94 years) and i hope mostly a happy one. though it is sad for us all, it is also good to know that she's not in pain anymore. and we can focus on our great memories of her and celebrating her life. easier said than done in many ways. she was my last living grandparent, so that also makes it difficult. weddings, kids, and just all of that stuff without my grandparents. fortunately, there are so many great memories that i can share with my future family and keep near to my heart, which is a nice segue to the holiday memories.

our christmas would start on christmas eve at my grandma and grandpa reuter's house. my mom has 4 brothers and 1 sister who were all married with kids, so all of us would gather and have dinner. there were usually a few college students from foreign countries there as well, which just added to the uniqueness of the night. the kids would watch in amazement as my uncles would come back from the food table (which was usually the pool table in the basement) with food piled high on their plates! it seemed to be some sort of unofficial eating competition. the kids would be seated around a few card tables and we'd eat. and eat. and eat. occassionally someone (actually only my aunt mary one time) would fall down the basement stairs, resultuing in a trip to the ER for her and apparently a relish tray run for my uncle jon. after dinner, some of us would go to christmas eve mass. i remember sitting in the balcony one year listening to the extended story of the birth of christ. when we got back, we'd find that the dishes had been done by those choosing not to go to church and we'd gather in the living room upstairs for the gift exchange. we'd open presents, eat homemade chocolate covered cherries and peanut brittle and sugar cookies that some of us kids likely helped make with grandma earlier in the week. they also always had ribbon candy and those awesome peppermint nougat things with the evergreen tree in the middle. i LOVED those. after gifts were opened, the kids would usually go play in the basement and the adults would hang out doing grown-up things (like beer drinking i'm assuming) upstairs. eventually it would be time to go home. i recall those rides back across town in the back of the car. we'd always drive by the high school where there was a display of santa and his reindeer (complete with a red-nosed rudolph) on the roof of the roundhouse (the gym.) i would watch out the back window into the night sky looking for santa to fly by.

the next morning, we woke up at the crack of dawn to open presents at our house. sometime in the mid-morning, grandma and grandpa reuter would stop by to see our new treasures. then we'd get ready to go to grandma and grandpa parks' house. in some ways it was the same scenario but with less people. my dad has two sisters, so they and their families would gather. we'd eat WAY too much food and there were usually enough of us to be spread around a few tables. some of us would be in the dining room off of the kitchen and others would be in the smaller dining area near the living room. there were be a lot of eating and a classic kate story came out of one of the gatherings at grandma parks' house. when i was young (like 2 or so) i loved to eat (which i realize is not all together different from now.) i was sitting in my high chair, watching everyone pass food to each other around the table, patiently waiting for some of my own. when the corn went by i made it know in my own special way that i was hungry too by saying "i like corn i eat corn." subtle, i know. after dinner was completed and dishes were done, we'd go to the basement usually to open presents. i think there was a tree in the upstairs living room and one downstairs as well. we'd open our gifts, the kids would play, the adults would talk. we'd stay into the evening after eating pies and other desserts. there were always kisses from grandma and grandpa as you left. grandpa's were often scratchy from the subtle on his face. then we'd venture down their relatively steep driveway (at least it seemed that way when i was a kid) and head back home. i remember that drive seemed like it took so long, even though they live about 5 miles from town.

things have obviously changed a great deal over the years as people have grown up, had kids, and started their own traditions, and as our grandparents aged and it became less realistic for them to host us all. but i'm so glad that we had those times and that i can remember them tonight when i should be sleeping. there is something so special and magical about this season. some light in the darkness. some brightness in the cold. it gives me a glimmer of hope even when things seem uncertain and even frustrating at times. i find myself now more excited about the gifts i give than the ones i get. relishing in new traditions that have emerged. watching my nieces and nephew get excited about santa. getting long hugs from my parents and siblings. wishing the best to my friends all around this country (and the world.) christmas gives us pause to really think about what matters the most in our lives. and days like this one highlights that even more.

to wrap up this long post, i want to say thank you to my family and friends who have supported me and loved me and made me laugh during what was at times a really difficult year. i want to thank you for your prayers and thoughts even in the last day. and know that you all help me understand the reason for the season.

happy holidays everyone with much love!