little kate sunshine

so don't read this post if you want to know nothing about the movie little miss sunshine. i'm pretty sure that what i reveal about the movie won't ruin it, but sometimes people get uptight about having any prior movie knowledge (jeremy). i went to see it yesterday and found it especially relevant to how i'm feeling right now. so read on if you dare. (by the way...this movie is great. highly recommended.)

so, one of the main characters in this movie is olive. she's like 7 or something and gets the opportunity to be a participant in a beauty pageant in california called "little miss sunshine." it is probably an understatement to say that olive is a bit weird (as is her family) and that she is not what you'd consider a typical beauty pageant type. when she gets to the competition, she sees other 7 year olds getting air-brushed tans with lots of make-up, huge hair, remarkable talents, and fancy costumes. they are scarily skinny and made-up to the point of creepy. olive has none of this. she's just herself. she has her own style and her own costumes, but they are not on par with her competition. she is full of hope, but vastly underprepared for this competition. she is herself, but to a fault in this case.

so what does this have to do with me? i'm not 7 (by a long shot!), nor a beauty queen hopeful. as i watched olive eye her competitors, i could totally relate. my vita, my cover letters, my writing samples, my statements of research and teaching are definitely works in progress. my dissertation is not done. i have one publication. i have few awards and accolades. i feel like olive. i feel like i showed up at the competition without my evening gown or make-up or big hair. i can get ready and plan to bust my ass to get this stuff in top shape to send out by FRIDAY for a few of the jobs. but i can't shake the idea that my competitors are light-years ahead of me in this process.

the lesson i can take from olive. go for it. try anyway. put it out there and see what happens. because in the end, it will all be okay no matter what. in one scenario, i get a new job that i hopefully like doing what i've been preparing to do for like 6 years. in the other, i get to stay in ABQ for a while, get more prepared, and hang out in a place that i love with great friends. so...i should probably chill a bit and just keep practicing. :) like olive did.