pretty sunshine time

when i was in college, one of my favorite things was watching the golden-pinkish glow that would settle around campus around 6 p.m. in the fall. today took me back to that. as i left my office, the sun was sinking in the sky, casting a beautiful light over campus. i knew if i had left maybe 10 minutes earlier, the cross on top of hoffman hall would be glimmering against the sky. i made my turn away from campus in time to see a full moon hanging over the mississippi river and the changing trees. this is probably a bit schmaltzy, but it really is a wonderful sight. and it brings a sense of peace somehow. come see it tomorrow. okay. :D

similutaneous relief and annoyance

today was a great day. it was the day that i converted my dissertation from a word document to a PDF file and submitted it to the thesis office. fortunately my committee did not want me to make any major changes to the beast before i submitted it, so all i had to do was proofread and format. that process is WAY more complicated than it needs to be, especially when Word inexplicably decides to change the formatting of your page numbers and you have to swear and yell at it and pound the keys before figuring out how to fix it. regardless, after working hard this week i finally got all my i's dotted and t's crossed. my hope is that once the incredibly anal-retentive thesis people nitpick the crap out of it that there won't be much more to do (though i realize that this is extremely naive of me.) in any case, it feels more official now that it has been submitted to the thesis office. like i really am almost done.

so why would i be annoyed? because as soon as i submitted the diss, i got an email from the thesis office saying that they received it (woo hoo!), that i'm number 236 on their list (okay...whatever), and that i will be billed a ONE-HUNDRED-AND-FIFTY-FIVE-DOLLAR processing fee. okay, okay...i should have known this was coming since i did have to turn in my thesis to them 4 years ago or whatever, but it still came as a shock. sure, peoples' salaries probably get paid from that money, which is a good thing, but damn! just when i thought i was done giving my money to the university they find one more way to nickel and dime me. for those keeping track at home, that means just to graduate i had to pay tuition this semester, pay a graduation fee, pay for regalia rental, and pay this stupid ass processing fee. AND i also have the option of paying $95.00 so that my copyrighted dissertation would be widely available for people's use. (if i don't pay that then people would have to pay to use it, which is weird...) so anyway, it caught me off guard a bit.

on a happier note, i'm finding myself feeling randomly nostalgic and just kind of satisfied. though i didn't write extensive acknowledgments in the dissertation (because let's face it, i just wanted to be done writing...not because i don't appreciate all ya'll) i have been feeling very grateful for the many wonderful friends in my life and for my great family. and now that i can put my mind on something else for a while, it goes to you. :) thanks friends for all that you've done to support and encourage me. i truly could not have gotten this far without you.

now to get to a GIANT stack of grading that i've been putting off. no rest for the weary.

two big weekends

a little over a week ago, i successfully defended my dissertation. the process was a bit grueling emotionally, but all in all went really well. it involved about an hour and 45 minutes of questions, which were mostly humane. :) at the end though, i was called dr. by my chair, so it was official. :) the rest of the weekend was great! i finally got to see mike for the first time since i moved, i got to have dinner with friends, plenty of drinks and fun, saw part of an aggie game, ate way too much, and just had a really fantastic celebration! now i'm in the process of correcting formatting and typos. have to finish that by friday so i can graduate in december. :) then i think it will feel official, even though i'm basically done now.

this weekend i spent time with some of my closest friends. it was homecoming at our alma mater, so we all got together for the first time since i've moved back. we had a lot of fun and it was great to share my new life at our school with them. it was a bit overwhelming seeing so many people that we knew from our college days though. i had fun catching up with people, but there were a lot of people that i recognized but couldn't place a name with their faces. it was a little crazy after a while and having one brief conversation after another was more draining than i expected. the weekend was a good combination of getting to relax and just chill and being active and doing stuff. now that all the guests are gone and i'm done cleaning up, i feel like i should go to bed. :)

so, i know i was overdue for an update on the defense and this post is not very profound and deep. but, that's the basic scoop. it's all good.

on the verge...

tomorrow i defend my dissertation, which will hopefully result in only a few minor steps for me to complete so that i can finally be finished with my Ph.D. i'm a little nervous about it, but feeling confident. mostly i just want to get it over with. rip the band-aid off and be done.

having said that, it is a bit surreal that this is already happening. i've been working on this for what seems like forever, and now i'm almost done. i know i'll be able to fill the time and mental space with something else, but it's almost incomprehensible that i won't have this on my plate anymore. i just can't imagine the relief, though i'm anxious to feel it. :)

i know that i won't be done even if the defense goes well tomorrow. i have to format the beast for the thesis office and do a real proofread since i haven't yet. but hopefully that will be all. maybe other corrections can wait until i try to publish it. so i'll still have some work to do, but will also have a tremendous weight off my shoulders. this could the first time in a long time when my shoulders actually have reason to relax. as my closest friends (and my yoga instructors) will tell you, that's where i keep all my stress. so relaxed shoulders...that could be the real mark that i'm done. :)

anywho, much excitement is in the air right now. once this is done, it also opens up a world of fun. i get to have a great time in texas and FINALLY get to see mike after two very long months AND i get to catch up with the aggie friends that are still around. then next weekend is homecoming and i get to catch up with friends from undergrad. and the next weekend i have yet another trip! so lots of fun coming after what feels like many months of stress.

here's hoping that when i next post, i am just a few grammatical errors away from being dr. parks.