it's been a while...

and i have a lot to catch up on most likely, but i think i'll proceed with my 2008 year-in-review that will then ultimately bring us up to date.

january 2008

• first year as a doctor
• enjoyed a very long break in between semesters, which included some time in albuquerque to do research and visit.
• spent a weekend in dubuque with my niece amanda
  
• remembered that the sun does exist in winter time (just not often in iowa.)
• stopped working part-time at pier 1
• moved out of my apartment that i loved into a gorgeous house with roommates brad and christine.
  

february 2008

• started my second semester at loras which involved teaching stats for the first time, as well as covering my colleagues stats class as she was out for maternity leave.
• went to ABQ for mike's going away party.
• broke driver's side car window in snow-related incident.
• start the best part-time job ever at the diamond jo
  

march 2o08

• difficult time for students when one of our students sadly passed away from meningitis :(
  
• went to las vegas for a conference with mom and had a great time!
  
• spring break in TX

april 2o08

• got to see sara who was back from hong kong for a conference in chicago! woo!
  
• went to st. louis for yet another conference and got to see my fam.
• teaching of 5th class ends and relief of only having 4 ensues
• two quick/weird trip to TX in one week
• i think it finally stopped snowing sometime this month. it was a record breaking winter.
  

may 2008

• went to may commencement as a faculty member and then realized that it had been 10 years since my own graduation.
  
• moved for the third time this year into my current apartment which i love
• discovered that couches can defy gravity
  
• start of heart-breaking romance end begins.
• family weekend during memorial day to hang out with mom and dad on their 34th anniversary. (we weren't sure if it was 34 or 35 and i had to use some good detective skills.)
• scary F-5 tornado in iowa!
  

june 2008

• first summer class taught at loras.
• visited my friend jody in her new hometown of charlotte, nc. we got to go to the beach and get wicked sunburns.
• crazy iowa floods!
  
• relationship break ends in not the way i had hoped..

july 2008

• july 4th with the doyles!
  
• went to my cousin ashley's wedding and discovered what being a reader really involved.
• found out break-up was even yuckier than expected
  
• took a much needed trip to new orleans to plan january-term class and to do some serious soul-searching. met ray nagin at mass there.
  
• went to texas and las vegas to visit friends and get some closure.
  

august 2008

• realized i should have done more work over the summer
• made some new friends
• started dating again...kinda sorta.
• jack-up knee dancing after an irish hooley
  
• year two as a faculty member begins
• went to erin and brent's wedding and made some new friends in WI.
• started teaching at the community college
  

september 2008

• made a few more new friends including a locally famous dog
• started watching Six Feet Under series because it's awesome
  
• visit my brother and his family in st. louis
• miss the last of six weddings i was invited to over the summer. only was able to go to two and was sad to miss the others. but congrats!
• get some debts consolidated
  

october 2008

• went to a surprise 40th birthday party for my brother
• caught up with some duhawks at homecoming! 10 years?!
  
• job interview at a school i thought i wanted to work at. found out that i didn't and that staying put is a good plan.
• went to see the aggies beat iowa state. whoop!
  

november 2008

• OBAMA IS ELECTED!!! WOO!!!
• slight set-back on the "moving on" front
  
• girl weekend with mom, aunt deb, and cousin kelli
• JUMBIES and mom and dad in the same weekend. woo!
• jocelyn came to visit and gave talks about new orleans and hurricane katrina
• fun Milwaukee weekend
• visited jeremy in rock island and discovered the genious that is Flight of the Conchords
  
• two family thanksgivings! yum!
  

december 2008

• finished a very busy fall semester with the stress of getting ready for january term
• start an earring side business for fun and no-profits yet
  
• had fun at the christmas gala
• new Diamond Jo opens!
• said good-bye to Grandma Parks :(
  

january 2009

• rang in the new year in milwaukee after some fun in chicago. viva the year of kate!
  
• turned 33...what the?
  
• J-term class to New Orleans and back
• took a mini-break to TX

february 2009

• spring semester starts and i'm not at all prepared for two new courses and stats. (lemented 8 a.m. classes)
  
• exhaustion from j-term lingers
• started the match.com thing again
  
• fundraiser for new orleans. the students did a good job though i still have a lot of beads and some coffee for sale if anyone is interested. ;)
• signed up for a gym membership
  

march 2009

• awesome spring break! spend a few days in dubuque with dennis and then the rest of the break in albuquerque catching up with friends i haven't seen in too long. this included some high quality time with my friend haley and baby kate (and dan too of course.)
• discover how cool park farm winery is
  
• happy to get a contract for next year even if it didn't have a raise on it
• finished watching Six Feet Under series. wow!
  

april 2009

• conference in des moines. caught up with old friends, made some new friends, and had a great time connecting with my colleague
• good times with dennis, erin, and brent at the casino on a random monday night
  
• fun easter weekend with mom that involved sushi, wine, shopping, and a champagne easter brunch

okay, so that brings me up to date. this is definitely not an all-inclusive list and there are undoubtedly many things that i forgot. hopefully i will keep things more up to date from now on. 2008 was unforgettable for a lot of reasons. thanks to everyone who made it a great year. 2009 looks to be even better and we're not even halfway through yet. :D

peace friends!

remembering

i find myself reflecting on christmas traditions from my childhood tonight. it might be because i watched A Christmas Story two-and-a-half times tonight. but more likely it is because i always think of those times on christmas and now it seems especially significant to do so. today (or more accurately yesterday) was a sad day, because my grandma parks passed away. she has been ill for a very long time and recently in and out of the hospital frequently. she lived a long life (94 years) and i hope mostly a happy one. though it is sad for us all, it is also good to know that she's not in pain anymore. and we can focus on our great memories of her and celebrating her life. easier said than done in many ways. she was my last living grandparent, so that also makes it difficult. weddings, kids, and just all of that stuff without my grandparents. fortunately, there are so many great memories that i can share with my future family and keep near to my heart, which is a nice segue to the holiday memories.

our christmas would start on christmas eve at my grandma and grandpa reuter's house. my mom has 4 brothers and 1 sister who were all married with kids, so all of us would gather and have dinner. there were usually a few college students from foreign countries there as well, which just added to the uniqueness of the night. the kids would watch in amazement as my uncles would come back from the food table (which was usually the pool table in the basement) with food piled high on their plates! it seemed to be some sort of unofficial eating competition. the kids would be seated around a few card tables and we'd eat. and eat. and eat. occassionally someone (actually only my aunt mary one time) would fall down the basement stairs, resultuing in a trip to the ER for her and apparently a relish tray run for my uncle jon. after dinner, some of us would go to christmas eve mass. i remember sitting in the balcony one year listening to the extended story of the birth of christ. when we got back, we'd find that the dishes had been done by those choosing not to go to church and we'd gather in the living room upstairs for the gift exchange. we'd open presents, eat homemade chocolate covered cherries and peanut brittle and sugar cookies that some of us kids likely helped make with grandma earlier in the week. they also always had ribbon candy and those awesome peppermint nougat things with the evergreen tree in the middle. i LOVED those. after gifts were opened, the kids would usually go play in the basement and the adults would hang out doing grown-up things (like beer drinking i'm assuming) upstairs. eventually it would be time to go home. i recall those rides back across town in the back of the car. we'd always drive by the high school where there was a display of santa and his reindeer (complete with a red-nosed rudolph) on the roof of the roundhouse (the gym.) i would watch out the back window into the night sky looking for santa to fly by.

the next morning, we woke up at the crack of dawn to open presents at our house. sometime in the mid-morning, grandma and grandpa reuter would stop by to see our new treasures. then we'd get ready to go to grandma and grandpa parks' house. in some ways it was the same scenario but with less people. my dad has two sisters, so they and their families would gather. we'd eat WAY too much food and there were usually enough of us to be spread around a few tables. some of us would be in the dining room off of the kitchen and others would be in the smaller dining area near the living room. there were be a lot of eating and a classic kate story came out of one of the gatherings at grandma parks' house. when i was young (like 2 or so) i loved to eat (which i realize is not all together different from now.) i was sitting in my high chair, watching everyone pass food to each other around the table, patiently waiting for some of my own. when the corn went by i made it know in my own special way that i was hungry too by saying "i like corn i eat corn." subtle, i know. after dinner was completed and dishes were done, we'd go to the basement usually to open presents. i think there was a tree in the upstairs living room and one downstairs as well. we'd open our gifts, the kids would play, the adults would talk. we'd stay into the evening after eating pies and other desserts. there were always kisses from grandma and grandpa as you left. grandpa's were often scratchy from the subtle on his face. then we'd venture down their relatively steep driveway (at least it seemed that way when i was a kid) and head back home. i remember that drive seemed like it took so long, even though they live about 5 miles from town.

things have obviously changed a great deal over the years as people have grown up, had kids, and started their own traditions, and as our grandparents aged and it became less realistic for them to host us all. but i'm so glad that we had those times and that i can remember them tonight when i should be sleeping. there is something so special and magical about this season. some light in the darkness. some brightness in the cold. it gives me a glimmer of hope even when things seem uncertain and even frustrating at times. i find myself now more excited about the gifts i give than the ones i get. relishing in new traditions that have emerged. watching my nieces and nephew get excited about santa. getting long hugs from my parents and siblings. wishing the best to my friends all around this country (and the world.) christmas gives us pause to really think about what matters the most in our lives. and days like this one highlights that even more.

to wrap up this long post, i want to say thank you to my family and friends who have supported me and loved me and made me laugh during what was at times a really difficult year. i want to thank you for your prayers and thoughts even in the last day. and know that you all help me understand the reason for the season.

happy holidays everyone with much love!

kate can't believe....

• how much has changed since last year at this time.
• she's had her Ph.D. for a year already.
• can't believe her January term class starts in a few weeks.
  
• that it snowed 8.8 inches last night.
• that Christmas is already here.
• it's not butter.
• that some things are still the same.
• that her landlord still won't let her have a cat.
• that tim is beating her at scrabble on facebook.
• how much she likes dubuque right now...despite the snow.
• that someone dug her car out for her this morning.
• she's thinking about renewing her match.com subscription again.
• how funny the Big Lebowski is and how delicious "Caucasians" are.
  
• how fast her nieces and nephews are growing up.
• how much the foil on a wine bottle can cut you.
• how hilarious Arrested Development is and that it was canceled after three seasons.
• how rude students can be when vying for a better grade.
• that people don't know that when they copy something directly from a website without citing it that they don't know it's plagiarism.
• how much she misses friends that are far away.
• how grateful she is for friends and family that are close by.
• how much she has to be thankful for this season.
  

below zero

so winter has not yet officially begun and we're seeing below zero temps here in iowa. *sigh*

i was checking weather.com to see what we're in for tomorrow (snow) and saw this. is anyone else concerned about this? very weird sight.

yes we can!!!!

i'll admit that though i was interested in politics in the past and definitely upset about the outcomes of the 2000 and 2004 elections, i did not follow them or get as involved as i should have. this time around, i paid more attention. talked about it more. informed myself on the issues. voted early. and prayed with cautious optimism that we would get the change that this country so desperately needs. overjoyed is an understatement for what my friends and i felt as we watched from seats in a movie theatre as the electoral votes climbed for obama. though it wasn't a large crowd on the democratic side at mindframe theatre, it was still amazing to cheer and yell and shout our praise at the screen as barack obama became our new president. (it was also fun to know that we outnumbered the republican side, though that might have been because the nature of the theatre itself....all those crazy indie films.)

as my optimism transformed from cautious to overwhelming, i found myself unable to contain my emotion. this was truly a remarkable day in our history. i knew it would be huge of obama won, but i'm not sure i had fully thought through what this decision, by our country, really means. people came out in record numbers to make their voices heard. that alone is moving, to know that so many people were motivated to make change and to cast their vote. to see what a landslide it ended up being was nothing short of incredible. our world is different now than it was before. that does not mean that inequality is instantly eradicated or that racism has been eliminated. but it does mean that something has happened in this country for the first time ever. and that is phenomenal. my nieces and nephew live in a world where they will grow up knowing that the white house isn't named that because only white people have been president. we do have a long way to go in so many respects, but this was such a major step for our nation and for our world. it's hard to even articulate what this means to me as someone who studies race and ethnicity and cares so deeply about issues of inequality. hopefully as this sinks in and i have some more time to process this, i will be able to more articulately express the enormity of what this means for us all. but what i can tell you is that i am filled with so much joy and hope, which continues to manifest itself tonight in tears of pure happiness and wonderment.

what a fantastic day for our nation! i pray we can come together as a country and not be divided. i pray for the safety of our new leader and his family and for his continued wisdom as he (we all) face major challenges. i pray that this message of tolerance and unity will not just be surface level, but instead we really will come together, take care of each other, and make this country a better place.

time for some champagne...and some restful sleep knowing that we changed the world today.

totally cute!

so i hung out with my brother and his family last weekend and took a bunch of pictures. my niece and nephew are so dang cute that it's just hard to resist capturing as many moments as possible. :)
in the soccer pics, my nephew luke is the one with the glasses. (go #35!) he did a great job.

http://fotosbykate.sexynerd.org/main.php?g2_itemId=3499

i forgot to put a title before...and now i still don't have one

unbelievably it is almost the end of september, which means that this semester is flying by! overall, that's been a great thing. i've been busy with school stuff, but not to the point of insanity and have been spending more time with friends here. i spent this past weekend in st. louis catching up with my brother and his family which was really fun. i have a lot coming up in the next few weeks as well, which gives me a lot to look forward to. so, my optimism continues on unscathed so far this year. :)

that being said, i still have a bunch of work to get done in the next few months. the research project i've been wanting to get off the ground has been delayed. waiting on IRB approval and hopefully some funding for a really cool online survey program. haven't made much progress on publishing the dissertation either. :( my prep for race and ethnicity has been harder than expected so i've been cheating and working on that during designated research time. hopefully i can get things under control in the next few weeks and will actually work on some scholarship.

my january term course is also looming a little larger. have to get a lot of work done on that soon!! i think i'm going to be putting together a reader for the students and need to firm up the plans in NOLA. so, cross your fingers that i can get everything done that i need to get done!

apparently i don't have anything profound to share today. just a quick update to say that all continues to be good. :D woo!

"and that's the way this wheel keeps working now..."

so apparently using lyrics as blog title's is my trend. that's probably no surprise though to the regular readers. this tidbit comes from the song wheel by john mayer. like many of his songs, there are parts of it that resonate with me. ultimately it's about life changing and not really knowing how it will turn out (at least that's my interpretation.) as previous posts have indicated, my life has changed a lot in the last 4 months in ways that i wouldn't have anticipated. i spent a lot of the summer kind of mourning those changes. and avoiding the reality of them. and fighting them. and though i needed to do a few of those things, ultimately i know that i can't undo them or go back in time and do anything differently. that isn't always easy to grapple with, but at the same time, i finally feel okay with that. more than okay actually. i really feel open to whatever it is that is going to happen.

if you had asked me in june if i would feel excited by the not-knowing i would have probably told you that you were a crazy asshole. but now, i'm just trying to be present to the present. i know that might sound new-agey or something, but i'm a planner by nature. so i struggle at times to just be. to just take in what's going on right now without thinking about the future. for whatever reason, i feel like my planny nature is taking a backseat. i'm still thinking about what's to come...applying for some jobs, updating and improving the vita, and considering options. but in my consideration, really for the first time in a way, i'm realizing that staying where i'm at is a viable option. or at least it could be. i think i got so used to the idea that was leaving here, that i wasn't really paying attention to some of the great things about staying. and there are some really great things.

so, if anyone has some words of wisdom on how i can figure these things out, i would love to hear it. in the meantime, i'm going to focus on making my classes as great as possible, completing some useful research, and spending quality time with the fantastic friends. (and of course, hang out with my family too...and hopefully soon!)

for the first time in a while, i'm not just being rhetorically optimistic. i feel it. and i'm so excited about what's going on in the here and the now. and i truly believe that because i'm good person that the last line of wheel also applies to me.

"i believe...that my life's gonna see, the love i give return to me.

i believe!"

:)

no crap...

Making a commitment now can be serious business; once you decide, you won't be able to easily change your mind. Whether you are considering moving to another city, changing jobs or switching schools, it's crucial to take your time and think through all the pros and cons before choosing what to do next.

By Rick Levine

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

thanks for nothing! :)

time flies...

sitting here realizing that i've lived in iowa for a year now. hard to believe that on monday i will be starting meetings again, this time as a 2nd year faculty member. we start classes in a week as well, which i'll admit, i'm not quite ready for.

much has changed in the last year. some of it is still hard to believe. but it will be interesting to see what the next year in iowa holds.

"i have reason to believe the grass might be a little greener on the other side"

i haven't really blogged much this summer. part of the reason for that has been an inability to actually post what i've been going through on here. it felt to me as though if i put it up here, it would be real, and i just wasn't ready for that the be the case. (and i don't like using my blog in a passive aggressive way, so hopefully this post won't come off that way.) i'm not convinced that i want it to all to be real now either, but i should probably write and update anyway.

in many ways, this has been one of the most difficult summers of my life. i've had rough ones before, like the summer of five years ago or summers without stable employment and financial worries. this one trumps all of those. i think part of the problem was that this was my first summer off since, i dunno, high school. i did teach in the first session but was basically done working by the end of june. so i had high hopes for what i might be doing with all the time on my hands. instead, i faced the end of one of the most important relationships in my life. and that end has been terribly difficult and painful, and probably made worse by all the time on my hands. though i have had hope that things would change, i'm not sure it will. which means though this person means more to me than i can explain, things are going to change. i've been really unwilling to accept that and stubbornly just wanting him back. but i can see that no good is coming of that strategy. and though i don't want to and i'm still not totally ready to, i have to move on now. there is nothing easy about that and no cliches or anything make it any easier. for now, i just have to struggle on and hope for the best...and accept whatever that "best" might be, even if it's not the one i wanted.

though it's been tempting to just wallow on my couch like a slug, i've also managed to go on a few trips and make some new friends this summer, which has been great. the most recent trip was to new orleans (followed by texas and las vegas which were also good but clarifying in a way that i wasn't wanting). i went to NOLA in order to prepare for my january term class. it was an amazing time and i hope i can hang onto some of the lessons learned while dealing with everything else. something i realized while i was there, was that i was really isolating myself in my grief. the second day i was there, i went to mass at st. peter claver and was very moved by the community. it made me see that by trying to handle all of this on my own, that i was really closing myself off from relationships with others and creating distance between me and the people who care about me. i don't want to say that the trip gave me perspective, because something about that seems very trite, but it did help me temporarily get out of my own head and to just be more willing to go with whatever will come. that is a hard proposition for a planny person like myself. seems i'm always trying to figure out what my next move will be. instead, i was just present to where i was and who i was with. i needed that. i also got to reconnect with my great friend jocelyn. she is so awesome and i've missed her so much. i can't wait to get back there in january and sharing NOLA with my students and i really hope i can get jocelyn up here in the fall to talk at my school.

so anyway, i had more coherent thoughts than this, but they are not translating. to sum up, rough summer...yay for reconnecting with awesome friends.

in other news, it is almost mid-august which means that school is starting soon. totally and completely not ready to be teaching again. this year should be a busy one though and hopefully a productive one as well.

something i care about

hi friends,

check out this blog sometime if you're interested and not only because i recently posted on it. :)
http://www.racismreview.com/blog/

more to come!
kate

whoa...really?

i got into my car today after a meeting and was surprised to hear the song "i'm too sexy" by right said fred playing on the radio. for a second, i had to take a look to make sure that it was in fact the radio and not my ipod. but sure enough, one of the more popular stations in town (which is a bit of a misnomer since there aren't that many) was playing this classic from 17 years ago. it wasn't an 90s flashback hour or some show dedicated to contemporaries of gerardo. it was just on. followed by a song from 2008. this town is too sexy for my hat.

i'm keeping the post office busy

about a year ago i was preparing for the big move to iowa. little did i know that i would be moving my stuff THREE times in about 9 months. now, happily, i'm settled into my new apartment (well mostly.) things change, and among them was my address. :)

i thought i'd post a few pictures so you can see the new digs.

this is a view of my living room from the door. the area near the window is a cool alcove that overlooks the street. i put my desk up there with visions of me doing work at my window ala carrie bradshaw. right now though there is too much stuff up there.



this is another view of my living room. it is very cozy and i like it (note the new furniture...thanks to craigslist, a family in peosta wanting to unload this great furniture at a low price, and those who attempted to and/or succeeded in getting it into my apartment...which was not an easy task.)



this is my bathroom....there is a shower on the right that you can't see from this shot.





a few shots of the kitchen. not the biggest kitchen i've had but i like it a lot. there is a HUGE pantry and plenty of room for all my stuff. now if i can only get rid of the GIANT black ants that have been hanging around.

here's my bedroom. nice sized. love the really big closet (complete with mirrored doors) and that there is plenty of space. there's even a cool little window area that currently has a not so beautiful "window treatment." gotta work on that. :)





so this is the new place. i like it and the price is ridiculously good. i'll be here for the next 11 months at least. :D come visit! by then i'll have my art on the walls and everything finally put away. or at least i hope so.

summer?

i'm on summer break which has been a bit busy so far and definitely not totally a break. i'm teaching a class in the first session and it's going well. i was hopeful that i'd have five people in it so i could get paid close to the full summer salary, but sadly when we started i ended up with three. luckily, the course itself has been pretty fun to teach and the students are great. remarkably we're almost halfway done!

i also finally made my giant list of things i want to do this summer and luckily i think i can get a lot of it accomplished. at least i hope so. :) it's good to have a plan at least and a schedule for when things need to get done. kate needs deadlines. it's a fact.

one of the big things i need to start doing soon is working on publishing my dissertation. i've been getting mixed messages about what avenue to pursue (book vs. article) so i think i'll try to get a book proposal written and an article and then go from there.

i also need to get my january term course figured out and my fall courses put together. those are all the top priorities. as well as getting another research project off the ground.

and, because it's a break allegedly, i'm trying to make sure that fun is being had as well. i think it's fair to say that the last few weeks have been really trying personally, so it has been great spending time with friends here in dubuque. i'm also going to charlotte, nc to visit my friend jody who i have known since we were 15 and taking moped class together. i think we might even go to the ocean and hang out on the beach which sounds so awesome. maybe i can lose 15 pounds before june 20? :) can't wait for that trip!

there is probably a lot of other stuff i've been meaning to blog about. i have been composing blog posts in my head when i can't get to sleep at night. but now that i'm actually blogging, i can't think of any of those ideas.

hope this post finds you well and happy. and hope that next time i write i'm more articulate and enthusiastic. lacking that second one lately, but hanging in there.

"what am i doing here?"

that question was posed by an 85 year old bishop at yesterday's commencement at my alma mater. his age and inflection made the audience chuckle at this query, because frankly, it was funny. at the same time, it was a bit eerie, since i had been wondering the same question for most of yesterday. ten years ago i graduated from this school, and now, i'm back at commencement in the rock bowl as a faculty member. it was in many ways really surreal. i could not help but ask myself some of the same questions that the graduates might have been wondering themselves. what's next? what does the future hold? can i handle it? at the same time though, i was reflecting on the last 10 years. it was almost impossible to do otherwise while watching these recent grads face their future beyond college. each speech asked the students to consider what they wanted from their future and encouraged them to be the best versions of themselves possible. i sat in my goofy looking regalia wondering if i had accomplished that in the 10 years since my own graduation. in some ways, i felt parallels from then to now. for example, a decade ago after my commencement, my family was frantically packing my stuff into black garbage bags to a room in a house i thought i'd be living in during the summer of '98. i only ended up living there a short time, but regardless, it was a fast-paced move to a new space. this week, i moved (with the help of great friends and my awesome dad) into a new apartment in dubuque. ten years ago i was desperate to stay in town and hang out with friends during the summer. leaving dubuque was something i was totally not ready to do. now, i'm still here after almost living here for a year. it has been a great 9 months in many ways, but my desperation to stay is not as strong as it was in '98. ten years ago, i was starting a new relationship and finding love again for the first time in a long time. ten years later, i have learned a lot and still feel like i have a long way to go in terms of figuring out relationships. but i'm grateful for all the wonderful friends that i have met along the way and can't imagine life without them. ten years ago, i was trying to figure out the future and anticipated that i would be a teacher...ideally at a small liberal arts college. ten years later, here i am. it has been great in many ways and surprising in many ways. i'm not convinced i've found the best fit yet, but i have gained so much from the last year and anticipate the next one being busy and productive. ten years ago i was wishing i was thinner and had a better complexion. that hasn't changed ten years later. :) but i do have to say that despite the gray hairs and extra pounds, i have more confidence now than i did then. i have my moments, especially lately, where i'm full of doubt, but overall, i have a better sense of who this kate person is. ten years ago we sat outside and got graduation-cap-shaped sun burns. ten years later, the first commencement in a decade was held outside in the sun. only a slight burn on my nose this time. :) ten years ago i was worrying about the grades i would get, and now i'm dreading grading papers and tests. so what does all this rambling lead to? i suppose in some ways, i've gotten closer to what i pictured as the best version of myself. in the decade since graduation, i've lived in many different places, met so many great people, finished two degrees, fell in love a few times, and accomplished much. i've lost loved ones, gained new nieces and nephews, experienced immense pain and joy, and in ways i don't like to admit, become more of a grown up. i racked up enormous loan debts in pursuit of my education. i've become a teacher. i've lived on my own in another country, state, city... i'm not a millionaire by any means. i don't own a house. i'm not married. no kids. i have a great apartment and don't have a car payment. i work hard still. i read for fun. i struggle with faith. much has happened. much more than i have listed so far. it's hard to believe in some ways that ten years have already passed since i left college. and i'm not sure what the future holds at all. but i hope that i keep improving on this kate project. that i can get closer to that ideal self that i was charged to find or realize ten years ago. in the meantime, i'll be happy about how far i've come. :)

you can't get a job, can you? hmmm....what a mystery.

i was at one of my favorite local coffee places, minding my own business, drinking iced tea (because it was actually warm out and an iced drink seemed perfect), and grading a stack of about a bajillion papers. there should have been no doubt that i wanted to be left alone. i was giving off all the f' off signs. i was wearing headphones, hiding behind my laptop screen, and just generally not giving the "yes i want to have a conversation with you" cues.

this did not stop some random dude from interrupting me. first, he started talking to me...sort of. i suspected he was asking me if someone was sitting on the couch across from me, but he wasn't. when i removed my ear buds i realized that he was just...well...mouthing words. i ignored him and went back to grading, figuring he would notice the laptop and bag of the person who had been sitting on the couch but had temporarily vacated. he did not. he sat down anyway. fantastic.

i falsely assumed that he would leave me alone once he came back with his beverage. instead, he asked me if i thought he should get a hair cut because, and i quote, "you're a woman, right?" (as if it's not obvious that i'm a woman?) i don't know what my sex has to do with me being able to advise a total stranger on his coif, but somehow i looked like i was capable of and willing to give him my opinion. he went on to tell me that he had a job interview to be a truck driver and was worried that his current "look" makes people think that he's a pot-smoker, which incidentally, he no longer is. i was thinking to myself that maybe people think that because of the bohemian type sweater thing he was wearing, his beard that resembled shaggy's from scooby-doo, and the hemp necklace, but what do i know? his lack of employment probably is haircut related. admittedly, it was a bit long...maybe chin length, but seriously, why would i know if this dude would look good with shorter hair? the more he tried to engage me in conversation and the more he failed to notice my subtle and not-so-subtle hints that this engagement was unwelcome, the more i began to realize two things:
1. this guy might be crazy and
2. there's no way i can continue grading at the coffee shop

so, i finally just told him "look man, i have a lot of grading to do. but good luck with the job interview tomorrow."

not really rude, if i might say, and yet he was very annoyed that i was leaving. so, perhaps the reason this dude won't get a job is because he's an idiot who has no social graces. lucky for him, i'm not sure how much human interaction you have to do when driving the big rigs. hopefully he'll pick up on the interaction cues related to CB communication.

10-4 good buddy. leave me alone. :D

i should be grading right now

but i'm not. instead, i'm in my office avoiding anything that resembles work. as you can probably already tell from my last few posts, this has been a long semester. luckily we only have 5 1/2 weeks left (including finals week.) i truly and deeply cannot wait for summer break. i'm still getting used to the idea that i won't have full-time work to be doing and that i can, instead, do whatever i want. visit friends, find a part-time fun job, work on publishing stuff, read books for fun...you get the idea.

in the meantime, i've felt tired and just...well tired. i have had some fun and have fun coming up in the next few weeks. but there are a number of things weighing heavy on my mind. probably the biggest thing is deciding what to do next year in terms of employment. for a while the plan on the table was trying to find a job in texas. however, jobs have been difficult to come by. i could take a position that would be a step-down career-wise (assuming i'm offered one), but at this point, i'm not sure that's the best move. and at the same time there are several compelling reasons to stay in my current job for another year. i will get to teach 4 new courses next year, have a possible research project to start, will hopefully get to serve on a committee, and will be able to search during the normal job cycle. so, i'm getting used to the idea that i'll be in iowa for another year. there are good things about it, but there is a lot that will be challenging as well.

i have a few weeks to make a final decision and then, depending on what that is, a bunch of other choices need to be considered, like where i'll live and if i'll be moving stuff again and what all this means for relationships and whatnot. it will be nice to have some time to figure it all out without having to be worrying about grading 100s of papers.

anyway, that's not much of a scoop, but that's all i got for now. wish me luck as i make difficult choices once again. stupid being a grown-up.

sweet sweet spring break

having a job that includes a spring break is a very, very good thing. as you could probably guess from my last post, i was in need of some rest and relaxation and so far i've accomplished that. :) i began my break early with a trip to vegas for a conference. it was a GREAT time! i got to catch up with some friends i haven't seen in a while and i got to show my mom around sin city. we saw quite a bit in a few days, mastered the bus system, and ate WAY too much delicious food. highlights were: bellagio fountains, mesa grill, winning $80 at keno, mandalay bay buffet, hanging out at the top of the stratosphere, and sushi at todai. i think mom had a great time (i know i did) and we were both pretty exhausted by the time we got to the airport at 4:15 a.m. on saturday morning.

i also have to mention a rather surreal experience after my presentation. this was my first presentation as dr. kate and i have to say (without any bias of course) that mine was one of the two best papers at the session. afterwards (this is the surreal part), a handful of people wanted to talk with me afterwards. some asked for advice on how to structure their research which is related to mine and a few were students just starting graduate work that wanted to share some of their experiences and just talk with me about the research. it was a great/weird feeling. made this whole dr. thing seem real. :)

since saturday i've been hanging out in texas. mike and i spent some time with our buddy andy in san antonio on saturday afternoon. watched aggie basketball and ate lunch at freebirds. mmmm freebirds. for the rest of the time, mike and i have been hanging out at his new digs in round rock. we cooked delicious dinner on sunday night. on monday, we went to see bob schneider and matt the electrician at the saxon pub. (very good show which i'll have to blog about next.) last night we took it easy at his apartment and watched my new favorite show dexter and ate another really good meal. it was stormy last night, which was actually kind of cool since it did not involve snow. tonight we're going to the alamo drafthouse. i've never been to one so i'm looking forward to it. :)

overall, it has been a productive and relaxing break. i've been sleeping way too much (guess i'm still catching up from vegas and my sleepless stats nights), got my midterm grades done, and found out some possibly exciting news related to jobs and texas. more on that later. ;)

i think i'm going to go for a walk in the sunshine while i still can!

the odds of getting more gray hairs this semester...

i'm both in complete disbelief and quite happy that it's already march. we have about 9 weeks of class left and i can honestly say that for so many reasons, i cannot wait for this semester to be over. it has been one of the most challenging of my career so far. keep in mind some of my teaching career involved being a part-time adjunct while working as a full-time graduate student and even working as a full-time advisor while trying to write my dissertation. so to say this semester is a struggle says quite a lot.

the difficulty was there from the beginning. i'm scheduled to teach four courses, which is a hefty load. one is intro which i love, two are social psychology which is okay, and one is stats which is really hard to teach. i did manage to get an A in stats in graduate school, but i'm not sure that reflects my ability to teach this subject. in fact, i know it doesn't. luckily that course only has 8 students in it, but that has made things difficult at times as well and the small numbers even resulted in having to revamp the entire syllabus a few weeks ago. so my scheduled load alone is enough to make me go prematurely gray. on top of that, i'm covering another section of stats for a colleague in the psychology department who recently had a baby. the baby arrived earlier than we all expected, so that meant the course wasn't as planned out as either of us would have liked. but i jumped in and luckily it's a great group of students who seem to understand what i'm talking about so far. but it means that i have another prep, because unfortunately our courses are not really aligned in terms of subject matter and it was not really possible to have both stats courses learning the same things. i feel like every minute of the day i am either writing a new stats lecture, grading papers, or writing a stats lecture. :) so i welcome the end of the semester a great deal. my coverage of the 5th course only lasts until mid-april and i can already guess that i will be ready to get back to my usual schedule.

on top of all of that, we have been dumped on with snow this winter as you read in my last post. luckily i think it's finally supposed to warm up soon and melt it all (which will likely result in floods but we'll jump over that mud puddle when we get to it.) last week the college community was also mourning the loss of a student who passed away from meningitis. though i did not know this student, many of my students did and were directly impacted in intense ways by her death. it was difficult to watch them struggle and i continue to hope that they are getting the support that they need. last week ended with one of our sociology majors in tears about the death of one of her cousin's. needless to say, it was a long, sad week.

i still find myself in a funk, even though this week is already going better. the sun is shining today, i had a fun weekend catching up with my parents and some great friends from high school, and i get to leave for a conference/vacation in a few days. maybe i'm stressed because i have a lot to do before the trip or just tired of being sick (i've had a cold for the last two weeks). or maybe it's a longing for winter to be over and to get a break from this insane semester. or possibility trying to figure out what my next life move will be. basically, there's a lot going on in the world of kate and much of it is conducive to gray hair making.

luckily i have two silver linings (that seems ironic somehow.) one is that i get to do a lot of traveling in the next month. i will be gone every weekend until mid-april. i'm excited about that, though i anticipate it will mean late nights trying to get class stuff done during the week. the other is that even though i'm getting more and more gray hairs, i'm about to leave to go get my hair done, so they will be undetectable. at least for a while. :D